Freedom in Forgiveness
Are you having a tough time forgiving someone? Welcome to the club! Did you know that most people have a difficult time with forgiveness? That’s because everybody knows what it’s like to be wronged by someone else!
When we get hurt or offended by others, there are a variety of ways we deal with the pain. Sometimes we’re seething inside. Sometimes we spurt out our anger. Our minds won’t turn off, and we go over and over what happened. We accuse our offender and justify ourselves. Other times we stuff our anger. We try to forget. Or we wallow in our misery. Sometimes we feel like we’re going to go crazy with everything churning around inside! While all these are reactions are common, we were never meant to hold on to an emotional load of hurt!
Carrying an offense will make a person bitter, and it’s damaging to the body, mind, and soul. Bitterness spreads. It goes from one person to the next through words and attitudes. Bitterness is toxic to you, your family, your workplace, and your church!
Forgiveness is a gift from God that releases us from carrying this burden!
To forgive someone means to release them from the “debt” of what they owe you. It doesn’t mean glossing over what has been done to you and saying that it doesn’t matter. It does—otherwise you wouldn’t have been so hurt! Forgiveness is simply releasing that person from having to “pay” for what they did.
Forgiveness starts with admitting that you were hurt. Spell it out plainly. Feel it. It happened. It was real. Say it or write it down clearly. Don’t deny your pain. It’s part of your decision toward freedom.
Pray for God to help you forgive.
Ask God to forgive you for your sins, both in general, and regarding the issue that you’re dealing with. No one is faultless before God. Admit to him that you, too, have sinned. Ask him to cleanse you through the blood of Jesus.
Refer back to Point 1 above, and this time speak your forgiveness to that person(s) for each part of what happened. For example, “John Doe, I forgive you for ______ and for ________.” Afterward, consciously release them from what they owe you. Then accept that you no longer need to be angry at them for how they wronged you. Sometimes it helps to say it out loud: “John Doe, I release you from ____________ . You no longer owe me. Although you wronged me, I no longer hold that against you.”
Pray for the person who offended/hurt you. The Bible says to “bless” them. If this is too difficult to do, remind yourself of Point 3 above—of what you’ve been forgiven of. Do you want things held against you? No. Then bless! This helps transition you from hurt to healing.
Take a look at why you might have reacted to the offense the way you did. How can you grow from what happened?
Remind yourself that ultimately everyone sins against God. He is the one we all have to answer to. God will judge every person according to what they have done—including your offender…and also you! Do you want to stand before God with a heart full of unforgiveness?
For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15 NIV
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