Forgiving the Big Hurt
Forgive and you will be forgiven. Luke 6:37c
Okay, how do you forgive when you’ve been genuinely wronged?
It probably seems impossible to you but let me tell you—the grace of God is there in abundance for you to do it! It is for everything that God commands us to do! And he will help you do it if you call on the Holy Spirit for help! Nothing in our sinful flesh wants to forgive others, so we need God to help us do it.
Ask God for help to forgive.
Even Jesus cried out to his Father in the Garden of Gethsemane for the strength to go to the cross.
Next, humble yourself. Honestly ask yourself if you might have been partly at fault. Ask yourself if this might be simply a case of wounded pride. Wounded pride can be a big ouch, but we still must forgive the person who delivered the wound. Embrace yourself and all your flaws and lay yourself at the feet of Jesus. Ask him for forgiveness. Ask him to heal you and help you grow.
And finally, if you’ve been genuinely wronged by someone, you must recognize that you, too, are a sinner in need of God’s forgiveness. You did not “deserve” God’s forgiveness when he died for you on the cross; God’s forgiveness was a gift.
Humble yourself.
Recognize that you, too, are a sinner undeserving of God’s forgiveness.
Having done all that, below is a sample prayer of forgiveness. Of course, you yourself need to make the choice in your heart to truly forgive. Repeating words does nothing without meaning it. Once you have forgiven, you’ll have to train yourself to stop going back over what happened.
“When it comes to an offense,
don’t nurse it, don’t rehearse it, but REVERSE it!”
Pray something like this:
Father, in Jesus’ name, I make a conscious choice to forgive (insert name) for (insert what he/she did).
Lord, I give you permission to take the judgment and bitterness out of my life. I surrender it to you and ask you to remove it. Heal me where I have been wounded. Forgive me where I have sinned.
I choose not to blame or hold the actions of others against them. I hereby surrender my right to be paid back for my loss by the one who has sinned against me, and, in doing so, I declare my trust in God alone as the Righteous Judge. Father God, bless them in every way. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
For further help:
Below are some questions that can help navigate a situation or event that has been difficult to forgive. It might be wise to meet with a godly friend or pastor to talk them out. At minimum, journal them out by yourself.
What happened?
Objectively tell or write out what happened to you.
How did this make you feel? Describe your emotional reaction to the event.
Is this event tied to another event in your past? Does it set off pain from a similar event? Can you identify the root of your hurt? One time I was so mad at my husband, and in the process of talking it out, I discovered that the reason I was so mad at him was because it reminded me of ways that my dad had wounded me as a child. I realized my issue was more about my dad than my husband, and I went there, forgiving my dad for his faults and failures.
Hurt often comes with a voice.
Listen carefully to what it says.
What are the messages this hurt/incident conveys to you about yourself? (For example: I’ll never be good enough, I suck at my job, everything always happens to me, I’m invisible, etc.) Take a good listen to what that voice says and address that part of your heart. Let God heal that too.
Are there lies about God that are intertwined with your pain? What are they? The devil is full of hate. He loves to spew out lies about God and about who we are in Him. You need to acknowledge what those lies about God are and then make a deliberate choice to stop believing them! God is always good. He never causes evil.
Decide to grow.
Be an overcomer, not a victim. Everyone can learn something from pain. God can turn the bitter into sweet.
How can you “love your enemies” and “bless those who persecute you,” according to the scripture? That’s not a hypothetical question. This is where it gets real. I know a lady who would make a beeline toward the person who hurt her when she’d see her in the grocery store so that she could smile and say hello to her. She decided she didn’t want to let the devil have power over her mind and emotions anymore! Put this into practice and your life will change. Pray for God to bless the person who hurt/offended you!
If you’re in a relationship where painful darts seem to be continually flying toward you, you may want to seek out counseling for how to set some healthy boundaries.
“Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.”
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